A few weeks ago my life coach and I were discussing the meaning of the word “Integrity” and what it means to different people.
Most people define not having it as lying, stealing, cheating, etc. While these things may in fact represent a lack of integrity, the focus of our conversation was to “Be impeccable with your word” as Don Miguel Ruiz so eloquently puts it in his book The Four Agreements.
We also discussed the importance of communicating our true thoughts and feelings rather than telling others what we “assume” they want to hear. Many times those of us who are struggling with this issue will say anything, in order to spare another person’s feelings or save face. This struck a very deep chord within me.
This was one of the most challenging areas I had to work through in my life. It has cost me marriages, relationships and a couple of businesses.In my former life, I was also known as the “yes” woman.
I can probably write a whole book on the subject. In fact, I probably will someday. The bottom line is, I always felt that I would never be truly accepted if I did not try my best to please everyone around me.
I can remember when Pleasing people was the center of my life. In fact, I even took it a step further when I took it on as a profession and first opened my Metaphysical healing and EFT practice.
Whether that meant taking on more pro-bono clients than I could afford, allowing friends to borrow money that I did not really have, or allowing my old businesses to take a direction that I was not in agreement with in order not to rock the boat with my former business partner, etc.
Sometimes I even made promises I consciously knew I could not keep. Somehow I felt like I did it in order to spare the other person’s feelings. This made me feel better by feeding a “false sense of nobility”. My entire self-image was based upon what I now refer to as Mother Teresa Complex.
We live in a Universe that moves based on cause and effect, there are no exceptions. Each time we break a promise to ourselves or to others we wind up and feeling terrible and somehow need to come up with some sort of a justification for not following through.
For me personally, what it came down to was drowning out my “inner voice” and forsaking my true power in order to appease my ego-identified self. By acquiescing to what I deemed that other people expected of me, I rendered myself powerless as it was not in line with my higher consciousness.
The conundrum is the initial false sense of moral superiority that comes from being the “rescuer” that eventually leads to a sense of moral inferiority. At first the dialogue in ones head may sound like…. “I am so generous; that I am willing to sacrifice myself in order to help others”. Later “Why did I agree to do this, I know I don’t have enough time” etc etc…
It’s easy in retrospect to see how incredibly egoistic and out of integrity that is for anybody. The point here is not to come from a place of judgment, but rather to become aware of these patterns. When we bring things to light, we can then dismantle the pattern.
Saying “no” or not being able to grant a request that someone we deeply care about is making of us is okay. When we begin to grow spiritually and to embrace our greatness when we release our need to please others. In order to align ourselves with our true greatness (and we are all great), there must be integrity, or congruency between mind, body and spirit.
It is imperative to begin by keeping our word to ourselves. When we begin to explore the possibility of saying “no” it allows us to take responsibility for ourselvelves and at the same time, we free those around us.
Integrity is one of the keys to a successful life.
We may not be able to please everyone, all the time but if we come from a place of integrity, we will be okay no matter what the outcome of the situation and that’s what I call FREEDOM!
Lesson of the week: Be impeccable with your word: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Affirmation: I am willing to release my need to say yes and I now embrace the power of NO.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Loose the Ego NOT the Lesson!
Because of the nature of our physical world, it’s very easy to become enveloped by the drama of our everyday lives.
One of the principal keys to success and ultimate happiness is to become adept at being the “observer” of our life experiences rather than getting caught in the role of “experiencer”(Did I just make up a word there?)
This falls in line with the highly philosophical theory of “ You are the experiencer of experiences”. In other words we are not just our physical bodies, but rather the “awareness” that we have a body through which we experience things, events, people, and places.
Okay enough of the philosophical lore, after all this is the place for Inner Solutions to Outer Problems that are practical right? Okay so how then, do we break this down into simpler terms?
The way I manage to dissolve my problems is to rise above them, look at them from a different angle. I reframe them. I think of myself as both the screenwriter and character in a movie that I call “My Life Story”. If you have ever watched a movie, and I know you have, you will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.
When I am in “character/actor” mode, I become desperate, crazed almost, because I cannot foresee how things are going to turn out, my scope is limited.
As the screenwriter, I know I have given my character some sort of resolution.
Have you ever observed a character in a movie that is in a difficult situation and looses complete focus? Well, it’s no different for us.
When we become consumed by the desperation of our particular situation, our ability to make a decision becomes limited. Our consciousness shrinks and we become more desperate because we cannot easily see our way out of the situation.
In a movie, when the actor calms down, and is able to transcend the fear or desperation that is the moment when the plot turns around and things start to favor him.
When I look at my problem from the screenwriter’s perspective, then I KNOW that there will be resolution in the end, after all I created my character and if I did not feel a love or passion for it, I would not be a screenwriter.
At the very least, even when a character has a “tragic” ending it is the journey that contains the lesson, not so much the end. Remember that movie Pay it Forward ?
For those of you who believe that God, The Source or The Divine Architect as I call it, is the one who ultimately decides your fate, you can ask yourself the following question;
Why would such a power create me, have me suffer for NO REASON AT All and then destroy me? That would make NO SENSE! Or at least it doesn’t to me.
When I frame it up that way I allow myself to embrace the experience and think, this is happening because this is my opportunity to grow into a bigger and better person. I use the experience to propel me forward by turning a disadvantage into an advantage.
It’s not something I made up. The most successful people in the world do it all day, every day! Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Someone you know that is happy, healthy and wealthy.
But that’s the tricky part right? Everyone wants to know the magic formula for turning the minus into a plus. I can tell you its quite simple, but not always so easy. Its one word KNOWING!
This is the ONLY time in your life that I will encourage you to say that you KNOW something , for sure. Knowing can be limiting in most cases but not KNOWING! Notice I capitalized one them because they are NOT the same!
That’s right! KNOWING . When we KNOW that EVERYTHING that is going on is actually preparing us for a “bigger” and “better” experience then that is exactly what happens.
It’s crucial not to loose focus on the fact that we do have very limited perception and often cannot see the “big picture”. When we remember this it’s easier to let go.
The bottom line is you always have a choice!
When you view a situation as horrible and attach fear, anger or resentment to it, it narrows your field of vision and consciousness. The answers seem impossible to find.
When you reframe, let go and KNOW that answer is right under your nose. THAT is exactly what happens and the problem dissolves in no time.
Lesson: When you get caught up in your problems, you loose the lesson. When you use the lesson as an opportunity for growth you let go of the EGO.
Weekly affirmation: I am willing to stand back and view my challenges as opportunities for growth. I therefore choose to loose the EGO but not the lesson!
All the Best!
Aymee
One of the principal keys to success and ultimate happiness is to become adept at being the “observer” of our life experiences rather than getting caught in the role of “experiencer”(Did I just make up a word there?)
This falls in line with the highly philosophical theory of “ You are the experiencer of experiences”. In other words we are not just our physical bodies, but rather the “awareness” that we have a body through which we experience things, events, people, and places.
Okay enough of the philosophical lore, after all this is the place for Inner Solutions to Outer Problems that are practical right? Okay so how then, do we break this down into simpler terms?
The way I manage to dissolve my problems is to rise above them, look at them from a different angle. I reframe them. I think of myself as both the screenwriter and character in a movie that I call “My Life Story”. If you have ever watched a movie, and I know you have, you will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.
When I am in “character/actor” mode, I become desperate, crazed almost, because I cannot foresee how things are going to turn out, my scope is limited.
As the screenwriter, I know I have given my character some sort of resolution.
Have you ever observed a character in a movie that is in a difficult situation and looses complete focus? Well, it’s no different for us.
When we become consumed by the desperation of our particular situation, our ability to make a decision becomes limited. Our consciousness shrinks and we become more desperate because we cannot easily see our way out of the situation.
In a movie, when the actor calms down, and is able to transcend the fear or desperation that is the moment when the plot turns around and things start to favor him.
When I look at my problem from the screenwriter’s perspective, then I KNOW that there will be resolution in the end, after all I created my character and if I did not feel a love or passion for it, I would not be a screenwriter.
At the very least, even when a character has a “tragic” ending it is the journey that contains the lesson, not so much the end. Remember that movie Pay it Forward ?
For those of you who believe that God, The Source or The Divine Architect as I call it, is the one who ultimately decides your fate, you can ask yourself the following question;
Why would such a power create me, have me suffer for NO REASON AT All and then destroy me? That would make NO SENSE! Or at least it doesn’t to me.
When I frame it up that way I allow myself to embrace the experience and think, this is happening because this is my opportunity to grow into a bigger and better person. I use the experience to propel me forward by turning a disadvantage into an advantage.
It’s not something I made up. The most successful people in the world do it all day, every day! Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Someone you know that is happy, healthy and wealthy.
But that’s the tricky part right? Everyone wants to know the magic formula for turning the minus into a plus. I can tell you its quite simple, but not always so easy. Its one word KNOWING!
This is the ONLY time in your life that I will encourage you to say that you KNOW something , for sure. Knowing can be limiting in most cases but not KNOWING! Notice I capitalized one them because they are NOT the same!
That’s right! KNOWING . When we KNOW that EVERYTHING that is going on is actually preparing us for a “bigger” and “better” experience then that is exactly what happens.
It’s crucial not to loose focus on the fact that we do have very limited perception and often cannot see the “big picture”. When we remember this it’s easier to let go.
The bottom line is you always have a choice!
When you view a situation as horrible and attach fear, anger or resentment to it, it narrows your field of vision and consciousness. The answers seem impossible to find.
When you reframe, let go and KNOW that answer is right under your nose. THAT is exactly what happens and the problem dissolves in no time.
Lesson: When you get caught up in your problems, you loose the lesson. When you use the lesson as an opportunity for growth you let go of the EGO.
Weekly affirmation: I am willing to stand back and view my challenges as opportunities for growth. I therefore choose to loose the EGO but not the lesson!
All the Best!
Aymee
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