Integrity and The Power of NO!

A few weeks ago my life coach and I were discussing the meaning of the word “Integrity” and what it means to different people.

Most people define not having it as lying, stealing, cheating, etc. While these things may in fact represent a lack of integrity, the focus of our conversation was to “Be impeccable with your word” as Don Miguel Ruiz so eloquently puts it in his book The Four Agreements.

We also discussed the importance of communicating our true thoughts and feelings rather than telling others what we “assume” they want to hear. Many times those of us who are struggling with this issue will say anything, in order to spare another person’s feelings or save face. This struck a very deep chord within me.

This was one of the most challenging areas I had to work through in my life. It has cost me marriages, relationships and a couple of businesses.In my former life, I was also known as the “yes” woman.

I can probably write a whole book on the subject. In fact, I probably will someday. The bottom line is, I always felt that I would never be truly accepted if I did not try my best to please everyone around me.

I can remember when Pleasing people was the center of my life. In fact, I even took it a step further when I took it on as a profession and first opened my Metaphysical healing and EFT practice.

Whether that meant taking on more pro-bono clients than I could afford, allowing friends to borrow money that I did not really have, or allowing my old businesses to take a direction that I was not in agreement with in order not to rock the boat with my former business partner, etc.

Sometimes I even made promises I consciously knew I could not keep. Somehow I felt like I did it in order to spare the other person’s feelings. This made me feel better by feeding a “false sense of nobility”. My entire self-image was based upon what I now refer to as Mother Teresa Complex.

We live in a Universe that moves based on cause and effect, there are no exceptions. Each time we break a promise to ourselves or to others we wind up and feeling terrible and somehow need to come up with some sort of a justification for not following through.

For me personally, what it came down to was drowning out my “inner voice” and forsaking my true power in order to appease my ego-identified self. By acquiescing to what I deemed that other people expected of me, I rendered myself powerless as it was not in line with my higher consciousness.

The conundrum is the initial false sense of moral superiority that comes from being the “rescuer” that eventually leads to a sense of moral inferiority. At first the dialogue in ones head may sound like…. “I am so generous; that I am willing to sacrifice myself in order to help others”. Later “Why did I agree to do this, I know I don’t have enough time” etc etc…

It’s easy in retrospect to see how incredibly egoistic and out of integrity that is for anybody. The point here is not to come from a place of judgment, but rather to become aware of these patterns. When we bring things to light, we can then dismantle the pattern.

Saying “no” or not being able to grant a request that someone we deeply care about is making of us is okay. When we begin to grow spiritually and to embrace our greatness when we release our need to please others. In order to align ourselves with our true greatness (and we are all great), there must be integrity, or congruency between mind, body and spirit.

It is imperative to begin by keeping our word to ourselves. When we begin to explore the possibility of saying “no” it allows us to take responsibility for ourselvelves and at the same time, we free those around us.

Integrity is one of the keys to a successful life.

We may not be able to please everyone, all the time but if we come from a place of integrity, we will be okay no matter what the outcome of the situation and that’s what I call FREEDOM!

Lesson of the week: Be impeccable with your word: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Affirmation: I am willing to release my need to say yes and I now embrace the power of NO.